Torzewo is a poor Russian immigrant who works at JP Industries, where he screws the caps on the salt shakers for very little pay. His boss Mr. Pensecola is also his best friend. He is secretly in love with Sylvia Leone, the vivacious young secretary at JP Industries, as well as numerous female celebrities which he frequently mentions.  Torzewo is easily recognized by his black ushanka hat with a star on it. His pet monkey does a swell Mario Lanza impersonation, and Torzewo himself is quite adept at playing the balalaika. He is also rumoured to be an illegitimate son of former Soviet leader Mikhail Gorbechev.

Mr. Joe Pensecola is the owner and operator of JP Industries. He is overweight, chain smokes, and is usually in a bad mood. He hates politicians, lawyers, Godzilla movies, Russians, the government, funny business, and basically anything other than himself. His only friend is Torzewo, but he doesn't really care too much for him either. Mr. Pensecola (or "J.P.", as he is also known) enjoys the game of golf, but doesn't usually have much luck with it. He is also somehow fluent in Norwegian and Dutch.

Sylvia Leone is the secretary at JP Industries, and a real "go-getter". She is almost never seen without a smile on her face, and she is also almost completely oblivious to the fact that everyone is secretly in love with her. She is an only child, originally from New Hampshire. Her fifteen minutes of fame came when she posed for Bikini Summer 2002. She is no relation to Sergio Leone, no matter what she tells you.

Torzewo's Family: Torzewo's extended family includes some quite odd characters. His rich Uncle Borscht (on his father's side) often sends him rubles, which he cannot spend in America; his cousin Ladislav, who hails from Canada, is rumoured to have connections with famed teen pop sensation Avril Lavigne; and his half-brother Crawdad Vodka boasts the odd heritage of Cajun-Russian. On Torzewo's occasional trips home to the Motherland, we often see many people who bear a striking resemblance to Torzewo. Yes, these are all relatives.

Singing Monkey: Torzewo went through a few pets before he finally found his pet monkey. He somehow trained it to sing, but the monkey (who has no name) chose his own numbers which he would sing. His favourite piece to sing is "La Donne E Mobile".

Red Angel is the main character in Torzewo's favourite television show. She is played by Jessika Albanov.